Why Do My 11 Month Baby Scream So Much

Hi Amy,

I have been debating virtually sending you this question for a few weeks now b/c I was hoping this was a stage that would pass but so far it hasn't. I have boy/girl twins who are 9 months old and my son has taken to screaming at the top of his lungs when he is not getting attention. It is this ear piercing, blood curdling scream that makes me immediately snap towards him and want to take some kind of action (covering his rima oris, maxim No No, cover my ears). I don't mind it and so much at habitation but it is becoming a problem when nosotros become out to eat or are with friends and family or in public.

I just don't know what to practice. I know I can't really discipline except to say "No. No." firmly. If I go along doing that, will he get it? Role of me thinks I should just ignore him b/c I feel like even proverb, "No No" is giving him the attention that he wants. Simply it is so loud that it is not something I can only ignore when we are at a restaurant b/c it is the kind of scream that makes the whole place get quiet and look over. So and so I feel like I am non beingness "consistent" which is what everyone says is the virtually of import part of disciplining a child.

I worry that if I choose to ignore information technology and so I am going to seem similar that mom who doesn't really discipline her kids or follow through. Our family has very strong ideas about kid rearing and this kind of behavior is not okay. I know that they realize he is 9 months sometime so they don't go mad or anything, but I already feel anxious that they are judging me for not doing enough or keeping him under control.

Is it a stage that is going to pass? Is he but finding his voice? Or has he realized that when he screams he gets the attention he wants from Mommy? And if that is the case, so how practise yous deal with that for a nine month old?

Thanks Amy!
jL

Stage! Phase phase phase. And right on schedule, too, around ix months or so. The good news is that you have a completely developmentally NORMAL little guy at that place, one who is alert and cocky-enlightened and knows what he wants and is making his first (also completely developmentally NORMAL) attempts at communicating what he wants.

Before I proceed, though, I would like to suggest that yous endeavour to reframe your thinking about this behavior — that it'due south something that'due south naughty or "bad" or requires discipline or that your child is out of control/out of line. While it'due south non necessarily the most desirable of beliefs, it's Non "bad." A ix month old doesn't actually have any grasp on adept vs. bad, nice vs. naughty, inside vox vs. outside voice withal, and reacting to his outbursts with scolding is simply going to make you both way more frustrated, considering information technology 1) won't work, and 2) is telling him that his simply means of communicating to you that he'due south unhappy or wants something is "wrong." You can then expect him to move on to alternatives — like throwing, hit, aggression — pretty quickly.

Now, at that place are ii full general schools of thought regarding the screaming fits at this age. Y'all'll find plenty of parents advocating that you lot ignore your kid's screams completely (provided y'all know they are fed, dry, unhurt, etc.). You know, the whole "they want your attention, so withhold that until they learn to ask for it the 'right' way" line of thinking.

I suppose that ignoring can take its time or place — maybe after you've already attempted to figure out just what it is your child wants (a drink? an out-of-attain toy? a change of scenery?) and accept 100% determined that they only like the sound of their ain voice (which can quite ofttimes be true!) — but…well, I'grand not sure what ELSE a nine-month-sometime child is expected to do when he wants/needs something, when he doesn't have whatsoever words or even necessarily gestures.

And as a parent of a child who experienced some fairly pregnant advice delays every bit a baby and older toddler, let me assure you that NO WHERE in whatsoever of the books I read or speech therapy tips I received did it suggest that simply IGNORING your child's rudimentary attempts at communication was an appropriate response, or would "assistance" them move forward with more historic period-appropriate or avant-garde skills.

Now, on the other finish of the developmental spectrum, Ezra (my crazy highly verbal talking-in-paragraphs-at-two-and-a-one-half child) went through this whole screaming phase at EXACTLY your son's historic period. Does this lilliputian video (taken at Simply SHY of 10 months) audio familiar, perhaps?

Why You Should Not Have Babies, Exhibit #342 from amalah on Vimeo.

Expert times. He wanted cantaloupe, and was greatly displeased by my refusal to give him more than than one piece of cantaloupe at a fourth dimension, and thus…screamed bloody murder at me, in between each and every bite of cantaloupe, fifty-fifty though I was Correct THERE and giving him more cantaloupe. Hell yep, this was not always agreeable and was fairly nerve-jangling — particularly at restaurants, or when I realized we were on our 17th screaming fit of the day and it was just 8:45 in the forenoon — merely we got through information technology without "discipline" or time outs or anyone dying. I would (try to) stay calm and relaxed, say "shhhh" or "no thanks" one time before immediately trying to run across whatever need he was TRYING to communicate. This — at least in theory — did not necessarily mean I was rewarding the SCREAMING with a desired action, but I was rewarding the COMMUNICATING. I was letting him know that I heard him and understood he needed something, now let'due south all stay calm and quiet and figure this out together. Milk? More than? All washed? What?

I also, effectually this age, fabricated a concentrated push to teach Ezra some baby sign language. We didn't first that until Noah was already spoken communication delayed, and information technology made SUCH a deviation in our lives. And then what yous don't run into in the above video is that in betwixt the cutting shots, I am in fact giving Ezra more melon, while maxim MORE and signing it. No other words, no extraneous mama-chatter about existence a skilful boy or no yelling or yummy yummy cantaloupe, only MORE and the unproblematic sign of bringing your easily/fingers together and tapping a couple times. A very easy, bones sign for babies, forth with milk, all washed, eat, etc.

With Noah, we used the (well-nigh, most excellent) Signing Fourth dimension prepare, only Ezra wasn't actually "into" Television so I managed to teach him all the basic signs without the employ of DVDs or books. (Bookmark this ASL For Babies visual dictionary and teach yourself the signs, and remember it'southward okay to change them or substitute a more general sign for something specific.) He watched me and mimicked all on his own, because every bit much as we parents hate the screaming, trust me: it's probably a zillion times more than frustrating to exist the baby who really desperately wants something and has no way to ask for it. So it was pretty delightful to see the little lightbulb go off over each of my boys' heads when they realized that signing and gesturing WORKED and got them what they wanted quicker (and more accurately) than a screaming fit.

And no, learning babe sign language did Not delay Ezra'southward bodily speech. Simply the contrary, really. He was an early on talker who never stopped and is now crazy far alee of kids his historic period when it comes to vocabulary and grammar and the complexity of his sentences. (His articulation is all the same delightfully baby-similar, though, which makes it all the more Adorable.) So again, don't wait at your son equally an out-of-control attention-seeking deviling-screamer: You've got a little communicator on your easily there. Heed to him. Answer to him. Attempt to replace these early on eardrum-piercing attempts with something a bit more…repose, like sign language and gestures and single, simple words (i.e. in one case you realize that he wants a cracker, end blathering at him, get his full attending and say "cracker," accompanied by the sign). I'm not going to promise that the screaming will finish tomorrow or next week and he'll suddenly explode with signs and language, only it WILL happen. The best office is that he clearly WANTS it to happen, which is more than half the battle.

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Source: https://alphamom.com/parenting/baby/the-screaming-phase/

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